It is from my post today in a photo challenge which I dip in and out of as time and energy and creativity permit. You may know it...the Fat Mumslim Photo a Day challenge.(For info on how to play, go to http://fatmumslim.com.au/how-to-play/)
I typed it, pressed enter, and there it was, for all to see.Afterwards, felt easier, felt more centred. Then I started getting beautiful , supportive, wonderful responses.And was touched by the words I saw.And there may have been a few tears.
Lordy, I know it is not cool to admit any of this. Lordy I know that it probably is an overshare, and does not promote me as an all-round hasn't-she'got-it-altogether-and is just a-super-amazingly-fabulous-person-who really has it all-going-on babe.But..truth is, well..it just is the truth.
I had no idea what I was about to write, no idea at all. It just slid out of me.It needed to come out. So...here it is, typos and all.
best foot forward, best friend, best dress, best man... do the best you can. I know there was discussion this week about stories Vs. Photos. Sorry..scroll away, down, skip past it. Feel free, go ahead if stories give you the heeby jeebies. cos'...here is a story..to go with the picture.
This is a photo of me, from a little while ago, so from the files. But the best I can do today.
I put this up because...even though it is not picture lovely, aesthetically magnificent, resolved, clever, technically brilliant...any of that... ..I wanted to tell the story that is in my heart today. Of being the best person you can be. Of trying to juggle all the needs and expectations of yourself and others..those who love you, those who employ you, those that rely on you.Today i am jumping of a cliff...taking a leap of faith..(not literally! I am too bloody scared of heights..there are limits to my braveness!) I am feeling the fear but doing it anyway, as it says on the posters.I said goodbye to my family as they went on a family holiday..we have NEVER taken a divided holiday before.... i will not see my kids for 10 days. My miss 7 has been crying for days.... & is so sad and she has told me over and over how sad she is that her heart hurts, and she will have no fun without me. I have given her my pillow, my t-shirt to sleep in, my scarf with my perfume.
So why am I doing this?
Because I am trying to follow a dream, the dream of living a creative life, that fills my soul as well as pays for groceries. I have accepted a large commission, doing something completely outside my normal artistic scene. I can do it. But i am pooscared. But it is A BIG DEAL. (shi* got real, as you say). And it is due in the time we would have been on holiday. I had to make a decision. So..thinking of the end game, of what i am trying to achieve, of role modelling working hard to my kids, of being true to myself and with the blessing of an amazing husband...I am staying home, to wrangle with this job. And get paid. And push myself out of that comfort zone. And freak out, and cry a bit, and procrastinate a bit ( what am i doing on Facebook???!). But do it. To be the best person I can be.
From awhile ago..but one of my favourite watercolours...it seems to sum up how I feel...a lot.Heart full...It also has my favourite colours of blue and red,symbols I often use - spirals and hearts.