Hello! Lovely to see you! Here you will find random posts about living a creative life in country Australia. I am an illustrator. I create, take photos, faff, collect, teach. Watercolour, collage, colour, cheese, travel and dreaming are my faves. And Turkish delight. And cushions. And gardening. And op-shops...

Friday, 8 July 2016

MISSING IN ACTION... from Blogland (A mental health Holiday)

MISSING IN ACTION
from Blogland...
 or a Mental Health Holiday

looking down

 Oh me. Oh my. It astounds me how fast, how expedient time is. 

A blur.


I seem to be busy busy busy busy, doing a zillion thongs. And not much. Juggling lots of great stuff as well as the ordinary things too.

                Feeling overwhelmed as things stack up?

So when I went into this little space to write a new blog post(feeling fizzy and excited to do so) and wrote about being Almost Famous, back a few weeks ago, I was a bit chuffed that I had carved out the time to do a blogpost.

Then... it went away, I killed it somehow, accidentally. I actually made it die. (And yes I wrote a blogpost about how I killed it...

It meant that in my blog posts it  said my last published post was in MARCH. What the!? How did that happen? Where did that time go to?

The forest for the trees

And it got me thinking. Should I fess up? Do I need to confess about why it had been such a long time between posts? Do I share? Do I make up some great story about having been lying in hammocks and eating peeled grapes by a peaceful tropical beach? Or do I tell the truth and wear my heart on my sleeve(or blog?) And of course, does anyone actually really give a shit anyway?

feeling blue

Well, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not a closed book. I could never play poker. I cannot lie. I go all twitchy and shake my leg. 

So the truth. The truth is time went by without me blogging because... I just really needed a break. I really needed to concentrate on other things going on in my life. In my mind I was blogging lots, waking up with ideas for posts, and in my mind all over it. Yeah baby. 

But in reality, life was hectic. Good, great, fabulous, difficult, worrying, sweet, miserable awful, and everything in between.

There was setting up my workshops and investigating prices and costs, emails to the ladies I was collaborating with. There was a few art commissions to do, and chasing up leads. I had an art exhibition, and worked my butt off painting, framing, prepping. And in one supremely completely shitty week my phone was stolen. And then I spilt a cup of tea on my laptop and killed it.GAH!

Then here was a whole month of lurgy germs in our house, a family tag team of snotty and red raw noses, aches and pains and heads full of yuk. A container load of cough drops, tissues, olive leaf extract, vitamin C's and the usual paracetemol. It was not a pretty scene.

Then there was a bit of an emotional breakdown. 

Yes, it was too much. I felt so overwhelmed. Fear and panic that the creative life I have struggled so hard to have was really just me kidding myself. A sense of not being where I want to be, of not achieving, of being an imposter and others around me seeming to do so well. I contemplated closing up rare pear studio and giving up. I just had nothing left in the tank.

heavy skies, heavy heart

I cried, and sobbed, and curled up in bed. And there I stayed. I found it hard to get out of it, and spent days feeling like I had mercury in my veins, inertia making everything dull and difficult. My old friend depression decided to stay and play for awhile. The sky felt heavy, my heart felt heavy. I just could not get traction.

Then a bit of magic happened. Then universe gave me a little nudge. I made enough money from the art exhibition that I had done, that I had some cash to play with.

I saw a chance. The chance to fly up to QLD and visit some friends I adore. Lady friends, people who I met online but had since met in real life and loved even more than I thought I would. And I needed a treat, something to remind me of why I work so hard, and of the good things in my world.I needed a little adventure. 


And the sun came out again, and depression and anxiety found somewhere else to play. 

finding the rose coloured glass again

So yes, I had some time away from blogging, to find my mojo again.
I did that thing called living life. 

And I realised that I did miss writing after all. That I am not an imposter. That I have to create. That it is okay to just down tools sometimes and breathe again. In between doing the washing, preparing food, being a parent, being a mum, being a teacher, being a friend, being a functioning adult.

So that is why I was Missing In Action. Nothing too exciting, nothing too awesome. Just life. Hmmmm. Which I guess... is actually pretty awesome... and exciting. And simultaneously bloody boring too. But I am here again now, and glad to be so. 

the magic amongst it all