Hello there you! Here you will find stuff about living a creative life in country Australia. I am an illustrator who also creates, takes photos, faffs, teaches & hosts workshops. Watercolour, collage, colour, cheese, salads, travel, collecting, & dreaming make me ridiculously happy. And gardening. And op-shops. And art supplies. And the word serendipity. And you reading this. Oh and so you know, all the art & photos you see on here are done by me!

Saturday, 25 November 2017

When Life and Stuff Goes to the Crapper ( and so does your blog)

When Life and Stuff 
Goes to the Crapper
( and so does your blog)

head full of ideas- and prickles. watercolour and ink, 2017

Well, miracle of miracles. A blog. A new post. Shock horror, lift my jaw off the ground. It is actually happening. 

I am not lazy. I am not just incompetent. I am not merely distracted. Well, maybe a little. 

Truthfully... I have taken on too much.TOOOO much. Superwoman I ain't. Swamped, overwhelmed, snowed under. Tsunami of life stuff bearing down. Juggling balls, left right and centre.And look, there they go... I dropped them, most of them, and then they went, merrily merrily, bouncing off down the road, and me? I just stood there, watching sadly, with no effort to try to gather them back up again. Sigh.

she held rainbows in her hand, collage 2017

I am not Robinson Crusoe here, right? You get this? It resonates with you too?  

So what is the problem?

Because I WANT the lovely house. I WANT the nice good stuff. I WANT my kids to have them too. I WANT the garden brimming with lushness, I WANT success with my art business, I WANT to have exhibitions and sell lots, I WANT to be recognised for what I do, and make a life from being creative.

I WANT to op-shop and collect, I WANT to travel, I WANT to paint. I WANT to support my husband in his profession, and  my kids to have great learning experiences and opportunities. 

German ceramics I have collected, watercolour 2017

I WANT...
to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend, teacher, artist, illustrator, maker, businesswoman, gardener, photographer, Instagrammer, Facebooker, blogger... etc etc etc

And then... I feel like I am doing nothing properly. That guilt nagging and pulling away at me. That I ignore. As I eat some mac and cheese.(HMMMMM, nom nom nom, pasta)

Until my daughter gets diagnosed with something not great. And has open surgery. And all focus switches to her. And I remember  what is really important. Health. Then she is okay, and we breathe a huge sigh of relief, collectively as a family.

So we move on...to another drama.(And another bowl of pasta) 

All the while I am aware that there is something at the core of me that I am ignoring, but that it  is okay, because I am doing so much other stuff to distract me from it. 

Multiple exhibitions, new products to sell and trial, hosting workshops all over the place, teaching, taking commissions... having a whirlwind of momentum that is making up for lost time due to leg crappiness earlier in the year.

Then WHAMMO BAMMO MUMMA! Life goes to the crapper. I can no longer ignore it. The elephant in the room. Me.

she has her head in the clouds, ink and watercolour, 2017

Yes, the weight has piled on. The depression, anxiety, the medication, the lack of caring for myself and putting everyone and everything first, ahead of my health, has gone and resulted in an arse the size of Texas, deserving of its own postcode really. Resulting in shame, and denial, and me hating myself for it all. But just being #whatever.  

And why do I have to STOP. Why can I no longer ignore it? Why the WHAMMO BAMMO MUMMA!? 

Cos in the last few weeks I have found out I have type 2 diabetes. And now, life has changed. For me. For my life. For the rest of my ever. And it is not all bad. It will be okay.

But no more pasta.

And I will navigate it, absorb the information, work through it. And blog about it. If anyone reads it, great, if not, I think it will help me. I somehow want to blend all this with the art and the creating. I think I have to if I want it to be really part of my life. I have some ideas...

But there I go again, thinking of projects. Thinking of new stuff to do... good thing I still like juggling. Just will not be doing it with pasta. Or potatoes!

simply rainbow, watercolour, 2016